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posted : 2005.Nov.10 @ 6.58pm
a blessing of truth.

you know, i've been working a lot to help myself and other humans to evolve our relationship to the planet. I've been doing a lot of reading and what i'm looking at right now is joanna macy's book "despair and empowerment in the nuclear age". In her book, she explains that many of us are finding our efforts minimized in their effectiveness due to our massive sea of sadness, anger, frustration and such over the current planet crisis, and that because of the way society is set up, we often find it difficult to find a safe place to deal with that grief, and thus open ourselves to a more effective mission to make a difference.

Myself, I know that has happened to me. I'd like to open discussion for all of us, therefore, on how we *feel* about the current planetary crisis. Sometimes just talking about it can open up our true feelings in deeper and deeper ways, creating a connection to nature and the world, and helping us to transmute those deep emotions - using them instead as a kind of signal such as "do not touch the hot burner, it will hurt". I hope this can be useful for people, as I know it will be for me.

Here's how I feel.

I am afraid. I feel terrified, first of all, that if I have children, they may not have a safe place to grow up. I'm afraid that we may not always have clean water, air, that we may not always have access to food. I am afraid of becoming stranded on my own planet, with not enough skills to garden and feed myself, surrounded by people even more afraid than myself. I feel terrified for the children today, that they have been born into a fearful time of war, destruction, and overall scarcity. I am afraid for all the people in this world, for their grief and anger, for thier POWERLESSNESS, real or imagined.

I'm sad and afraid that all these beautiful forests, creatures and human beings may soon be extinct forever. I am afraid to see them die off, one after antoher. The monarch butterfly may soon be extinct. I am afraid to see that happen, to never again see antoher monarch butterfly, one of the most beautiful creatures alive on the earth.

Most of all, I'm terrified that it may be too late, and that the efforts I am making and that others are making, may not be recieved by people in time, and that we will not be able to survive as a species. I love humanity. I want us to survive. I am so so so afraid that we won't.

I am angry. I am angry at people's ignorance to the situation, their apparent unwillingness to change. I am angry at those who have hurt others, angry that women are being raped every day, that i was raped and molested, that the Earth's resources are being so badly mismanaged, from the macro to the micro levels. It makes me angry to see people misusing the sacred hallucinogenic offerings of the mother, designed to save us from extinction. I am angry at people apparent selfishness in the matter, putting their energy into buying pointless material items instead of evolving themselves and reading up on what they can do. I am angry that it is apparently so hard to convince people of this silliness, and I'm sick of trying to convince people.

I'm also angry that my anger, fear and distrust of this world have held me back in making a difference in the best way that I can.

I am resentful. I resent anyone who doesn't want to look at the situation for what it is. I resent being called names like "tree hugger" and "hippie" in a derogatory way, for caring and being appalled at what's happening. I resent the people who impliment this destruction, the people who order it, and the people who silently encourage it by buying the products. I resent myself for being a part of it. I resent the fact that this world seems full of people who just want to have fun, and ignore and ignore and ignore what is going on through that process. I resent this tooth and claw, concrete jungle city, in all its sprawling ignorance and injustice. I resent the World Bank and the IMF for wrangling the third world into insurmountable death and destruction, to extract their precious resources and destroy their beautiful diverse cultures wtih war and poverty.

I am so angry, you guys. I am so afraid. I am so so so sad.

I feel, writing this, that I could cry for an eternity.

How do you feel?


posted : 2005.Nov.10 @ 9.36pm
a prayer:

may our deepest responses
and our most hidden despair
be lifted
and turned into our deepest powers
and our greatest resources
in this time of turning
for all

may we be rewoven
on the clearest conscious level
of widest self-awareness
with the great web of life
living our connection
to all living things


posted : 2005.Nov.11 @ 3.04pm
Lyoness- many thankasis for seeding this thread.
With many blessings to your pod : ness


I feel safe in the heart of the earth-
content to watch and learn from the suffering of the world
in intimate contrast with this blissful awakening,
and help beings however I can.

I also feel the earth's balance shifting,
as it is contemplating a sense of damage control.
How much to change, something has got to go.
What will go? Let it flow.

I feel the urge for survival, and the fear of death
have always been here, and that only a thin layer of difference
conditions life today from life long ago.

I feel this whole world is on fire.
and it's always been this way.

In the past I have felt angry,
but now I see it comes from frustration.
Frustration comes from a desire for things
to be somehow different that the way they are.
The only comfort I feel is when embracing
a clear unconditioned awareness.

I feel the intimacy of human relationships growing,
and through this I observe a cosmic family being born on earth,
beginning to transcend this space,
simultaneously channeling immense hope and beauty into it.

I feel the earth is sick,
like the deep roar brooding in my belly.
When I eat the earth's flesh, digesting cows, chickens, pig, fish, shrimp...
I feel like I've eaten a rotting piece of death.
It feels so wrong, like I'm a king sitting on a high throne
ordering the death of all these other little beings to satisfy my hunger.

I feel hungry so I eat rice & beans & salad,
which causes clean energy to emanate from my belly.
I love to ground into this plane of energy through
the blissful consumption of earth friendly food.

I feel Kundalini energy is raging throughout my body,
stimulating a sense of high alertness.
This energy fuels creative endeavors,
producing spontaneity in the manifestation of imagination.

I love to feel the winds of energy rush through my body,
and I laugh and dance in the terrible glory of existence.
I sometimes cry when I see that others have blocked
their flows of energy with so many fearful thoughts
that they can not experience this bliss and share it with me,
so in the spirit of patience I try to point into the light.

I feel lonely without a particular quality of awareness
from others in my life, so I surround myself with
hard working creative beings who are dedicated
to the enlightenment of this planet,
and through my relationships in this sphere of creation
I find a deep purpose in life.

I feel the earth alive, pulsing inside of me.
When I am quiet, surrendering to the stillness,
a rumbling continues.

I feel like screaming and dancing in the streets
that everybody might wake up,
but I know that couldn't possibly help
and so pursue more subtler measures
beginning with the cultivation of my own awareness.

I see this great celestial change has happened many times,
and will continue into the end of all things.
I am determined to continue using this life
as a teacher, whatever conditions may arise.

Learning to love is the eternal lesson of life. It goes on.
Every epoch has it's challenges...
humans have existed for millions of years,
through innumerable global catastrophes
in light of which I don't think this one is so bad.

I feel major change is ensuing on the global scale
yet the spirit of life is with us and gives us strength.
The earth's vibration is increasing greatly
at an enormous level. It's a cosmic event
that humans did not cause but participate in.

I see the paradigm of armageddon is
a self-manifesting phenomenon
and feel the earth wants none of that.

Being overwhelmed by the fear of death
is like the captain jumping off his ship
because he sees an iceberg coming-
when just steering the ship would have prevented a collision.

Then as the captain is freezing to death in the water
and the ship is sinking because he failed to be present to steer it,
all the people on the ship take off their clothes
and start singing and dancing together
because there is no forseeable future-
they're thrust into the moment.

Then seeing all their shirt and pants strewn about, a collective idea dawns.
So they sew their clothes together to form a large balloon
into which they climb and float up into the night sky,
as the final splash of the sinking vessel sucks the fearful captain
into the freezing depths of the night.

This is the mystery of life-
what happens when you sink down there?
What happens when you float up there?

I feel they lead to the same place,
and so cultivating a balance that feels good in this world
is the way of the natural flow.

I can feel it now, deep inside of our hearts-
here we are the same one.

posted : 2005.Nov.11 @ 5.21pm
oh phong, *such* wisdom you reflect.
is shimmering thank yous, for these medicine words.
i am breath-taken, dear one.

i feel better after writing that post. truly, for me, the process of opening up, and going deep into the shadow, was altogether what i needed to address a wider aspect of who i am in this time and place. i have never opened up about that subject like that before. i felt at first, self-conscious after exposing my self in such an unusual way, and then simply purged and cleared, and proud of myself for taking another brave step into the unknown, out of love.

phong, your words are the healing balm of a thousand times concentrated purest nectar love drops of ancient wisdom, perfect, into the heart temple tree of a life made for living.

bowing low

celebreathel, tree goddess.


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